Goodbye
by Rhiannon Esplanade
Summary: Goodbyes are hard, but goodbyes for forever are even worse. Lizzie and Gordo now have to experience that. Has been revised. This is my firs LM fic and I hope you like it. PLEASE REVIEW
1. prologue

a/n: Hello everyone who is devoted to Lizzie McGuire. I hope you like this, I think it's going to turn out pretty good. But if you don't like it, I'm sorry, I can't please everyone. Anyway, I am a complete Lizzie/Gordo fan all the way so this is what this fic is mainly about. But, I am going to warn you, this might get a little sad, so if you're emotional make sure you have your tissues nearby for later chapters. I hope you like it and I hope you review…they will be greatly appreciated. ~Rhiannon~

Disclaimer: I don't own Lizzie McGuire, but Adam Landberg is the cutest. The lyrics involved later on in this fic are My Immortal by Evanescence, I don't own those either. Have fun!

Goodbye

Prologue

Gordo

            _I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Lizzie. A lonely solitary tear ran down my cheek as I said goodbye to Lizzie for the last time. I tried to be strong, really I did, but do you know how hard it is to stay strong and not cry when you are saying goodbye for…forever? I'm leaving her…forever._

            This day lingered in our minds for what seemed like eternity. Everyone knows this day will come, and they fear it. We knew it would come, but we had now idea that it would come so soon and so sudden. I can't even explain how sudden this happened. 

            I looked at Lizzie from afar. She had propped herself up in the window. A flash of lightning lit up the sky outside. It was such a gloomy day, a perfect day to be inside…but why did it have to be here? She looked so sad sitting there…expressionless…alone…lost. She was also trying to be strong…trying so hard not to cry. I could tell she was having a hard time. She would constantly look up to prevent the tears from coming. When she wasn't looking up, she was looking down at her hands, playing with the one silver ring that resided on her left ring finger. 

            She tucked a stray strand of blond hair behind her ear as a single tear fell down onto the tiny diamond chip on the top of the silver circle, making it sparkle. I couldn't help but think that that was the gateway to an endless flood of tears waiting for the right moment to be released. But when…I was unsure. 

            A few moments had passed of ultimate silence and then a familiar figure came into view. It was Miranda. She paused just as she walked into the room, she had seen Lizzie and at first she didn't know what to do. I noticed she had something in her hand. She walked, almost ghost like, over to the bed that was near Lizzie. She looked down at the small figure lying in it. She took another look at Lizzie, who seemed to be still oblivious to the fact that she was even there. Oh well, it was understandable. Miranda looked back down at the figure again and placed a single yellow rose next to a sleeping boy…next to me…


	2. Lizzie

Lizzie

~I'm so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fears.~

            I won't believe it, I refuse to. I keep telling myself this isn't real, it can't be. Ever since I was a little kid I have _tried_ imagining what life would be with out Gordo. Do you have any idea how weird that would be? I can't even begin to describe it. The thought used to always scare me to tears.

            And so, here I am sitting in a hospital room experiencing the weirdest feeling I have ever felt. I feel so lost…and alone. I've never felt this way before. And what makes it even worse is the fact that I'm looking my Gordo who seems so far away from me. I just want to go home, and make everything better. I hope nobody ever has to feel like this. 

            You know how hospital rooms are full of so many machines? Well this one had twice as many, and let me tell you, I could definitely notice. They were humming all around me…surrounding me. They were putting me in a mindless trance. They were hypnotic. There was one, though, that I just wanted to through out the window. The sound would drill through my head, invade my thoughts, it wouldn't leave me alone. All day I heard _Beep, Beep, Beep, _I could scream. Why did it have to be so loud?

            I couldn't even look at Gordo, it was too hard. Seeing your best friend and love, lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, is so scary. The only thing I could look at that wouldn't make me cry was the silver ring on my left ring finger. Amazingly, it brought a smile to my face. 

~Flashback: Friday, four days earlier.~

            "Happy nineteenth birthday, McGuire." He had covered my eyes with his hands and just as he said that, he removed them to reveal a beautiful candle-lit picnic in my backyard.

            "Oh thank you, Gordo." I wrapped my arms around him for one of our famous hugs that just seemed to make the world a better place. We then walked over, hand in hand, to the red and white checkered blanket (a picnic wouldn't be complete with one) and started eating. 

            We sat there what seemed like, not long enough. We talked for hours about anything that came to mind, friends, enemies, our childhood…anything. Then, that inevitable part of the evening came. It was time for goodbye. 

            We walked to the front door and stood outside. 

            "I don't want you to go. Can't you stay a little longer?" I pleaded. I didn't want him to go. 

            "No, sweetie, I can't. You need your beauty sleep if you're going to be extra, extra gorgeous for me tomorrow at prom." He kissed my nose; I loved it when he did that. 

            "Okay, if you've got to." Here it came, the famous pout and puppy dog eyes. I knew he hated them because he just couldn't resist them. 

            "No…don't do that. That's not fair." We kissed each other, not a deep kiss, but a good enough kiss to be excellent. 

"Lizzie, I have one more thing for you before I go." He started fishing through the abyss that you would sometimes call pockets, for some unknown object. "Lizzie, do remember a couple years ago, how we talked about marriage, and we said that no matter what, it was going to happen?"

"Yeah, I remember the day like it was yesterday." I noticed he had finally found what he was looking for. In his hand, he produced a tiny black velvet box. He lowered himself to one knee, lifted his head, and opened the box.

"Gordo."

"Elizabeth Brooke McGuire, will you marry me? Can I be yours forever?" Oh my gosh! I knew what I wanted to say, but it wouldn't come out. It was one of those weird nervous happy moments. Tears of joy slowly glided down my cheeks.

"Oh! Of course, Gordo!" We wrapped our arms around each other one more time. 

"I love you!"

"I love you, too!" was his reply, and just before we departed for the night, we gave each other a light kiss. I was thinking about that the other day. I've noticed that engaged couples don't kiss each other deeply as often as other couples do. I guess it's because they can kiss without fear. They don't have to worry about the other breaking up with them; they can savor each sweet little moment. It's really nice, and I finally get to experience it. 

Gordo turned to walk over to his house. I stood there and watched...a habit I'd picked up somewhere; we were both guilty of doing it. He was half way across the street when he turned around and blew me a kiss. I caught it, of course, and blew him one back.

~Back to reality~

            Oh, how much I despised reality right now. I just wanted to stomp on it, a lot. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Great, here they come. Soon the endless flood will emerge and I will never be able to stop. I hated crying. 

            I sat there for a few more moments of silence. I tried not to think. I couldn't. I knew if I would, I would have thought about him, and that would have caused me to cry. I wanted to hold the tears back as long as I could. I had to be strong for him. He needed me to be strong for him. 

            I looked out of the window that I was sitting in. It had been raining all day. It looked like it had gotten worse, too. Lightning flashed, lighting up the dark dismal room for a split second. I hated lightning, too. For that split second that it lit the room, I thought I saw Gordo's eyes open. They didn't 

            I heard a knock at the door. I didn't even look. It was probably some unknown nurse, who could care less that Gordo was there, to them, he was just another job.

            "Hey," came the familiar voice of Miranda Sanchez. I was wrong. What's new? I was wrong a lot lately; I didn't know the world anymore. 

            "Hey," came my weak response. At least it was better than yesterday when I didn't even address her. I stood up from my perch for the last four hours and look over at her. "So, how are the kids?" She was a candy striper for the pediatrics department here at the hospital. Most of them were in for chemo and what not. 

            "They're doing okay, but I'm more worried about you and Gordo. How is he?" I walked over to his bedside. He was hooked up to so many machines. I noticed the yellow rose next to him and tried to smile. Then I looked at him for the first time since I saw him hooked up to all those machines. I saw a lock of curly hair out of place, probably tickling his nose, if he could feel it, and begging for relief. I moved it out of the way. I loved his hair…

(a/n: just so you don't think I'm weird, she says that because she will miss everything about him that much…get it? I hope so.)

"The doctor says he seems to be doing okay, but the longer he's asleep…the less…likely…he'll wake…up." That was it, that's what opened those damn gates. I hate tears so much, I hate feeling like this, I just want it to stop! Tears were cascading down my cheeks. I couldn't take it any longer. I'm sorry, Gordo, I tried.

            "Oh, Lizzie, it will be alright. He'll be okay." Miranda threw her arms around me. She was starting to cry, too. Even tough Miranda Sanchez couldn't hold it in, so why did I expect myself to?

            "Miranda, I love him so much! I don't know if I can live without him. I need him, Miranda, I need him. Oh God! Please let my Gordo wake up…please let him live!" by this time, we didn't have the strength to stay standing. We were both sitting on the floor. I would like to think we were both comforting each other, but I know she was comforting me more. I felt so bad; she needed someone to comfort her, too. But, I'm just not strong enough for this. We are both lost without him…and now I think Miranda realizes that, too.   
  


a/n: before I forget, I have one thing to say. I know many people have done something like this, and if you feel that I am copying you're work, I am completely sorry, it wasn't supposed to be like that. If you think about it, it is kind of hard to come up with something completely original with a topic that has almost 1,000 stories written about it. So sorry if you feel that I am copying, my apologies. ~Rhiannon~


	3. Miranda

Miranda

            This was bad. Don't get me wrong, I knew it wasn't good, but I had no idea that it was this bad. I guess, maybe I was still in a state of shock. The last two days have been…I don't know, they were just completely indescribable. It seemed like everything that could possibly go wrong did. It's amazing how fast your life can change in a matter of seconds. It's kind of scary. 

            Poor Lizzie. She looked like she was taking this better than I thought. What was I thinking? She was holding it in, that's what she was doing. I think she was doing it for Gordo. She had amazing strength, though. The only time I saw her cry was just after I came in. Maybe she was too shocked to cry, which, honestly, is understandable. I don't even know if she's been home. From what I understand, she's been here since it happened, which was about 1:00 Sunday morning. I don't know if she has slept, either. 

            She had moved from the floor and was now sitting in the chair next to his bed. She was sitting close to him, but she wasn't looking at him. She wasn't really looking at anything; I guess you could say she shut herself off to anything going on around her. She wasn't crying as much now. Only a few lonely tears were allowed to flow from her tired eyes. 

            My tears had finally subsided. Thank God. I hate it when I cry…especially at a time like this. Once you started it was like impossible to stop. It took so much strength to stop, and now I felt exhausted. And on top of that, my eyes were all red and puffy.  

            Unfortunately, it was time for me to go. I had to get back to my kids down on the second floor. At least I had something to look forward to when I came to the hospital, instead of this…bad stuff. 

            "Hey, Lizzie…I have to go…duty calls." I attempted to lighten the mood…just a little. Hey, I wasn't asking for a miracle, just a little smile out of my best bud. 

            "Okay. I'll be here unless I'm dragged out." She sounded beyond depressed, which I honestly don't blame her. I placed a hand on her shoulder just to let her know I was there for her and if she needed me, or something happened, she knew where I was. She placed her hand on mine to reassure me that she will get me if something does happen. "Bye."

            "Bye." And with that, I exited the room fighting back another round of tears. They needed to stay back a little longer. Please, just wait two more hours, that's all I ask, I didn't want the kids to see me like this. And of course, it didn't help. They came, and only because of fear. 

            What was life going to be like without him? I know he's not dead…but what if? Don't think of me as a bad person because I'm thinking this, I'm just doing what everybody else has told me to do…"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worse." So, that's what I'm doing. 

            I've tried so many times to imagine life without Gordo, and I can't. I can't even remember what my life was like before I met Lizzie and Gordo. They have been with me through everything…eventful picture days, crushes on Danny Kessler and Ethan Kraft, and so many other things. They've been there for everything.

            I remember the first day we all met. It was the first day of second grade. Even then, Lizzie was the friendliest girl in our class, Gordo would talk funny…he was always smart for his age…and Kate was, well, normal. 

~Flashback~

            I was walked into my new school by my Mami.

            "Mami, I don't wanna go to school. I wanna stay home with you and Papi." 

            "No, Hija. I'm sorry, but you have to go to school and make new friends. You'll be fine." We had finally reached the door to my new classroom. I hoped I'd fit in. I was clinging to my Mami's arm as she knocked and slowly opened the door. 

            As we entered, everybody became silent; I could feel all eyes on me. A few minutes after I entered a little blond haired girl in blue jeans and a yellow shirt walked up to me.

            "Hi! My name's Lizzie, you must be Miranda?" she said in a perky tone. I guess our names were already on our desks and hers was next to an empty one, which had my name on it.

            "Yeah…" I was so nervous, but the next thing I knew she was taking me by the hand and leading me to my seat, next to hers. 

            I sat down slowly and then took one last look at my Mami. I waved goodbye to her and smiled to let her know everything was going to be alright. She waved back and then left. 

            "Hey guys, this is Miranda, she's new. Miranda, this is Kate and Gordo. So, do you wanna be our friend?" And so, that is when our glorious, 'til death do us part friendship started. 

~End Flashback~

            Before I knew it, I was in the Pediatrics department. My face was even puffier than before…don't they have eye drops to cure icky tear streaked faces? Maybe I'll have to invent some…I'll be rich!

            "Randa!" A small boy named Robbie came running up to me and gave me the largest hug. I really needed that…like you wouldn't believe. Poor thing, he was right now going through yet another round of chemo therapy. But, you wouldn't be able to tell, he acted like everything was normal, which is what they were supposed to be…

            "Hey, Robbie! Did you miss me?" 

            "Of course!...You look sad, Randa. Were you crying?" You know, the thing that I've realized is that nothing gets passed these kids.

            "Yeah…"

            "Why?" The favorite question of 3-6 year olds everywhere…and it would get so annoying so quick. 

            It took me a minute to figure how to tell him without making it sound as depressing as it was. "One of my friends is here." That wasn't so bad…

            "Is he…dying?" That's why I hated curious little kids! Okay I didn't hate Robbie, but I hate it when kids ask this question. It's so hard to answer without breaking down again. 

            "I don't know…" 

            "Can I go see him?" This was the Robbie that I loved. If only everybody saw him when he was like this. He was the sweetest little thing with his shaved head and green eyes. They would always light up at the thought of helping someone else. 

            "Maybe tomorrow, right now things are a little bad right now. But I'm sure we can see him tomorrow. Now why don't you go play with some of the other kids."

            "Okay!" Robbie bounded over to where the other kids were playing with blocks and action figures. I slowly got up from my kneeling position and walked over to the window. It was _still _raining.

            There is just one thing I have to say to whoever is listening out there…please let everything go back to normal…please.

a/n: Okay…please don't throw rotten vegetables at me!!! I know this isn't my best chapter, but that's only because this focuses mainly on Gordo and Lizzie's thoughts, but I need to add something else in their for a little variety. So I'm sorry this chapter sucks. ~Rhiannon~


	4. Gordo

a/n: HELLO EVERYBODY!!!!!! I'm back! I'm sorry it took me like ions to update this, but I was actually thinking about not finishing this until I got a review a couple days ago from somebody who just seemed to adore this, so reluctantly I kept writing. This chapter is mainly just a filler so I can figure out how to write the rest of the story. But, a little clue as to how Gordo got into the hospital is in here. Well that is all, thanks to all of those who reviewed and keep doing so. ~Rhiannon~

~Gordo~

            I let out a deep sigh. Is this what Hell is like? I thought to myself as I looked around the bleak hospital room and saw loved ones file in and out…with so much pain evident on their tired faces. I just want to get out! It is so agonizing sitting here watching the people you love go through this, and you're unable to help them. To tell you the truth, I'd rather die than sit here and watch them go through this pain. 

            About the only good thing that has happened so far today is the fact that Lizzie finally talked to me. But let me tell you it was still very painful. 

~Flashback~

            I was now sitting in the same spot Lizzie had occupied earlier in the day; sitting in the window, looking out at the dismal day that made being here even more movie of the weekish. It was then that I realized a tingling sensation on my hand. Then I noticed it was Lizzie, she had grabbed my hand and had started talking to me. 

            "Hey Gordo…are you still in there…?" A small but sad smile crept onto her face. "…I've been sitting here for almost two days trying to think of what to say to you. Hell, I've been sitting here for two days trying to get the strength to be this close to you without completely breaking down. Listen, I don't know if you can here me or not, but the doctor said that people talking to you might help in the healing process, you know introduce a familiar voice and you'll wake up…if only it were that easy. Look at me, I'm rambling. I haven't rambled like this since we told each other how we really felt. Do you remember that, Gordo? I do. It was a rainy day, about three weeks after we got back from Rome, and on a whim we decided to go play out in the rain. We had such a blast and then that moment came, when you started getting fidgety and I started getting fidgety and well I tried saying how much I loved you right there but it took like 10 minutes just to say it. Gordo, that was one of the best days of my life." A single tear rolled down her cheek.

            "Gordo, you _have _to wake up, you have to. You can't just propose to me and have the best time of our lives at prom and leave me like this. You promised you would never leave me again…you promised. Gordo, please wake up. We're only 19, we have so much more to do, get married, have kids…we're supposed to die when we're old and decrepit, together. You can't back out on me now. You're stuck with me…" Tears were falling down her cheeks now. "You promised not to leave me…don't go back on you're word."

            "…You promised…" And with that she lay her head down on my bed and cried herself to sleep.  

~End Flashback~

            She was right. I had promised that I would never leave her. Prom night, I made that promise…Prom night, now that was a fun night…up until I ended up here…

~Flashback~

            I walked up the steps to Lizzie's front door. Apprehension suddenly flooded over me as I reached up to ring the doorbell of the house that I had visited almost everyday of my life. Why I felt so scared, I had no idea, but I was. I ran my hand through my perfectly messed up mop of brown curls as the door opened to reveal Jo McGuire. A fresh batch of tears were getting ready to flood down her already teary face. She was so emotional. She let me in, quickly hugged me, told me how handsome I looked, and then left me to wait. 

            I wasn't waiting more than five minutes when Lizzie finally emerged from where she had been hiding probably all day. I heard her come down the stairs and when I lifted my head, she completely took my breath away. She stopped halfway down when she realized that I hadn't said anything, and she was apparently getting nervous.

            "Gordo?" Her sweet voice interrupted my thoughts. 

            "Wow, Lizzie, you look uh, well you look…" I stuttered over what I was going to say, how to describe her beauty…"great."…I settled on this nondescriptive word. After that it was the usual pinning of flowers and pictures and whatnot and finally we made it to prom. 

            Prom in itself was really nice. Everything went perfectly. Miranda was crowned Prom Queen while Larry was crowned Prom King…he really grew out of his funk when he entered high school. Everything went just as suspected that night. We only had one problem there. 

            Everybody was happily dancing to the Cha Cha Slide, when things started to get a little bit rowdy. In the midst of this, Lizzie and I lost each other. We didn't realize this at first, but then Lizzie realized we weren't together anymore and started panicking. I heard her call my name in the most terrifying tone and immediately started searching for her. When I finally found her, worry covered her face as she quickly wrapped her arms around.

            "Lizzie, what's wrong?" I was getting a little worried

            "Gordo, don't leave me again. I just have this terrible feeling something bad is going to happen if you leave. Just please don't leave me." 

            "I won't leave you, I promise." And with that, we stayed by each other all night. We were with each other until everything became confusing and black. 

            Prom was over. We were getting ready to go to Miranda's big party when we decided to stop off by Lizzie's house to get a few things. We were standing on her doorstep as she was unlocking the door. I kissed her on the cheek and then I realized that I needed to get something over at my house, which was across the street. 

            "I'll be right back." This is where everything gets fuzzy. I left Lizzie's side and I don't even know what happened. The only thing I remember is hearing her desperately yelling my name and then everything going black. 

~End Flashback~

a/n: well that is all for now, I hope you liked. Next chapter will be up in a week and you will finally know how Gordo got into the hospital. See ya then, and please review. 


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